"...My Cup Runneth Over"

It is my turn.  I have been waiting all month to write my own thoughts during this wonderful Adoption Month.  In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I have an abundance of gratitude for the many blessings I have received in my life.  I will try my best to write my soul. 
I start by acknowledging my Heavenly Father.  He lives.  He is my maker, my father, and my friend.  He loves me more than I deserve and more than I comprehend.  He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to this earth so that I would know who to follow, who to emulate.  He sent Him here so that He would know exactly what it feels like to be human and to be tried, challenged, and hurt.  He sent Him here to save me from being miserable because I am imperfect.  He sent Him here to take all of my burdens, mistakes, pain, and hurt from me.  What amazes me is that Heavenly Father did not tell Christ to come, He volunteered.  I cannot doubt that He loves me.  I have been tried, hurt, deeply saddened, and have made loads of mistakes.  I know what it is to feel bitterly alone, to feel worthless, and to feel that I don't deserve forgiveness.  At times, I relished in these awful feelings and sometimes I prayed.  I cannot say that I am not loved.  When I turn to the Savior for help, I have always been at peace, strengthened, comforted, guided, and felt the purest love that no person can offer.  I am getting better and faster at recognizing this need in my life and frankly, I cannot live without it.  His guidance is ever present even when I know I haven't made the best choices - He still loves me. 
My understanding of His love for me was brought to a heightened level over 3 years ago when I came to a point in my life where I really had no idea what the Lord wanted for me.  It was a scary feeling.  And of course, heartbreaking...I wanted nothing more than to be a mother.  He knew this; He was aware of my heartache and desires.  I have never felt as much strength, comfort, guidance, and confidence in my life as I did during the months that Jared and I sought answers, moved forward with adoption, and then adopted our daughter Emerson.  The Lord, in his great love and wisdom, knew these two weak humans needed that support and strength to do something that would take a lot of faith and hope.  He knew Emerson was coming to us and He prepared us and whispered sweet encouragement in our hopeful ears.  I have no doubt nor will I ever deny that the Lord blessed us with our daughter.  It was no coincidence.  It was direct answer to prayer: Our prayers to Him asking for a child that was meant to be ours and the prayers offered up by Emerson's birth parents seeking the best life for their baby.  The Lord cares.  He is not indifferent to us even though, at times, He seems obscure and far away.  Through this precious experience I also gained a strong testimony that there is a plan for each of us even if we screw up royally, which I have done.  Satan would have us think less of ourselves to turn away from Heavenly Father out of shame, but the Lord stretches his arm out all the day long, inviting us to change, to improve, and to be happy.    
I was remembered by the Lord and for that, I will forever be grateful.  This blessing didn't come to us with the snap of His fingers.  There was sacrifice and heartbreak too.  Our joy will forever be accompanied by humility.  When we received our daughter, her birth family experienced the greatest loss.  When they chose to place her, they also chose the heartbreak of not being able to see her precious face each day, to kiss her little hands, to hug her little body, to hear her sweet voice and laughter, to wipe away her tears, and to hear her say "I love you".  I know they wanted these things so badly, but they loved her more than themselves.  Someday Emerson will understand that they did the parent thing to do.  They chose to forget themselves to give her what they couldn't.  I don't say that to mean that I am the best mother or that I am better than anyone.  I mean they gave her LIFE, a family - a mother and a father, love, and stability.  Now that I am a mother, my heart aches to think of having to make that choice because my love for my child is beyond description and I know her birth mother feels this too.  The Lord strengthened her and gave her peace and comfort to do what was best. I KNOW that our prayers on her behalf and the prayers offered by our family and friends buoyed her up as well.  The guidance we received when we prayed to know what to do was so real I could have wrapped it in a box.  So I know that when Cindy made this heart wrenching decision, the Lord's love must have pulsed through her heart, mind, and soul. 
Our lives have been sanctified.  Each precious moment we experience with Emerson is one that her birth family does not get to experience with her.  That is why I say that our gratitude is always felt with humility.  We feel an overwhelming sense of purpose in our lives as we remember the Lord's love for us as His children, as we remember the sacrifice that was made for our daughter so that she might live with joy, and as we relish in the blessing of being a mother and father.  It has made us both better people eager to be the best that we can and JOYOUS. 
The sweetest music to my ears is when Emerson's birth mother writes or tells us that she is so happy with the decision she made.  That she will never regret it.  She feels part of our family too and that is the way we want it.  She will always be in our hearts and minds.  She is beautiful to us and basically, our angel.  Our daughter is a beautiful soul and we owe much of that to the loving mother and father that placed her in our arms.  Adoption IS a LOVING choice.