In My Reading

I started reading a great book this week called Twenty Things ADOPTED Kids Wish Their ADOPTIVE Parents Knew.  It was suggested at the adoption support group I attended and I am really grateful for these kinds of books about raising adopted children.  I have learned so much through my involvement in support groups and friendships with other families.  Books written by people who have lived and learned (and are adopted) are invaluable to me.  Here is just one (long) quote from the book:
"One reason many adoptive parents find openness difficult and scary is that they have bought into some of society's negative, stereotypical notions about adoption - messages that portray birth mothers as sluts, adoptees as damaged goods, adoptive parents as second best.  In addition, many adoptive families have unknowingly accepted the shame-based myth that they should be just like families formed through birth.  In some circles, just the mention of adoption loss (loss that all involved experience) is considered a sign of ingratitude or disrespect.
The fact that adoptive families are not formed by birth is not a bad or shameful thing, nor is acknowledging this truth giving a bad rap to the institution of adoption.  Maintaining that the adoptive family is just like any other family is like saying a tree formed through grafting is the same as any other tree.  It simply is not!  Families formed through adoption have their own set of challenges as well as their own unique beauty.
In grafting, the two parts of the plant retain their separate identities.  The genes do not intermingle.  Pears produced on branches grafted into quince may become larger, but they will still look and taste like pears.  In adoption, the adoptee also retains a separate biological identity.  A significant portion of his emotional reality is formed long before the adoptive family ever lays eyes on him.  These differences need not be a threat to the adoptive parent, but instead a springboard for celebration of the adoptee's unique identity and personhood." 
If you are any part of an adoptive family, this is terrific reading and enlightening.