Holiday Season!

The End?

I'm pretty sure that this is the end of my blog.  I didn't really give up on it.  I guess it just doesn't fit anymore.  More and more I feel that I don't really want to share things that are mine to experience.  I just want to hold them close to my heart and those who know me best and who I love the most always have this insight into my world.  I do know that I love adoption and adoption advocacy.  Only good things have come from sharing my experiences on here.  But I can do that on FB (if I decide to stay on there longer).  Even now, I can't wait to stop typing this :)

Chase and Joni

Please take a few minutes to visit our friends' blog. Chase and Joni are amazing people who are hoping to adopt. We have come to know them and truly believe they will be terrific parents. Feel free to share their blog with others or even add their blog button to your blog. I firmly believe in doing all you can to receive blessings and by spreading the word, the right people might come together to make it happen. 

AWESOME...

"SISTER" by DMB - STOP MUSIC BELOW ON PLAYER

It has been a rough couple weeks here with illness. But getting this song from my brother, well, I'm smiling (and crying....I am pretty tired). I love you! And I love that you think of me. I miss our times together. XOXOXO

Great Analogy from Dear Abby

In 1995 a woman named Diane Armitage wrote this article directed to childless couples who are considering adoption.  She is an adoptive mother of two children.  Her mother sent this to Dear Abby.  It is one of my favorite analogies about the adoption journey.  I hope you enjoy it.

"Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place.You've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you. You'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait and wait and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly thing like "Relax, you'll get a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"
After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."
"By BOAT!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and cost a lot of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful, if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of the wonderful place and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glamourous day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who have also traveled by sea rather than air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as the like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like "Oh be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself."

IT'S NOVEMBER!!!!

November is National Adoption Month!  I try to post one thing a day about adoption on this blog during November, hoping to spread awareness and educate people that adoption is about love.  Below is a handout I picked up at the National FSA Conference.  It shares excellent ideas on how to be an adoption advocate no matter how much time you have on your hands.  Most people have been touched by adoption in some way.  Let's share our knowledge and experiences to dispel myths and to help others by sharing what's true. 

(If you click on the handout below, I think it gets bigger.)

Coping with Infertility

I was asked to speak on coping with infertility at the FSA conference in Kirtland, which is one of the reasons I attended the conference.  I am glad that my presentation brought me there and that I had the opportunity to share something so personal with others who are in the process of coping in some way.  Like I said in my class, I do not feel qualified to teach others how to cope when I have no counseling background or anything, but I do have my own experiences.  This is long, but I share it knowing there are many others who can relate and who might benefit from my experiences.  Now that I have prepared it, I might as well share......
I am here because my husband and I have been unable to conceive biological children. We are infertile and whether or not it is at the forefront of our minds, we cope with it every day. As I thought and pondered on what I could share with you about coping I decided that I would NOT stand here and give you strategies because I do not feel qualified to tell you what will allow you to move forward with confidence and peace each day. Our experiences are unique and should be approached in a way that personally meets our needs, desires, lifestyle, goals, and the heartache that only we know. I do not believe there is only one correct way to cope. But I do know how I have coped and I believe that this knowledge could bless someone with comfort, confidence, peace, and strength.

When my husband and I got married the thought of children excited us so we decided to welcome a child if one came, but if it didn’t happen, GREAT because we were poor, busy college students. A year went by and nothing happened, which was good because the first year was a hard adjustment and school was everything. Then another year passed and my husband graduated and got a job. Still no baby. Then I graduated and went to work while Jared continued his education in grad school. It was during that period when I was working and my husband finished his MBA, that feelings of being lost and forgotten crept up on me. We had been married for almost 5 years, had full-time jobs, and everyone around us was busy growing their families. We were the only couple left in both sides of our families without children. In the back of our minds, we knew there was something “wrong”. Until this point, we were occupied with other things that were also very important to us, but it began to seem like our lives had less purpose, that we were just hanging out together, which felt very unfulfilling. For some reason it was a hard thing to take the steps to know what the problem was. The unknown gave us permission to stay where we were. But we didn’t want to stay as we were. And we aren’t meant to stay the way we are. We are supposed to grow, change, and experience…even if those experiences are hard. In June of 2006 I was finishing my last doctor’s appointment where I was told that we were at the end of testing and to call if we decide to move forward with IVF… the only way, our dr. said, we would be able to have children. I will never forget the walk back to my car from his office. That short walk seemed to be a mile long. I couldn’t wait to get there so that I could unleash the storm of pain, sadness, fear, and heartache that crept out of my heart and up my throat when I heard what he said. I didn’t want anyone to see me sobbing in the parking lot. I still remember the tightness in my chest, pure physical, emotional, and spiritual loneliness, and the disbelief as I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that what I had been told all my life, what I had dreamed of, expected, been promised as a girl, teenager, and woman, was just not going to be. The world immediately looked different to me. That night I couldn’t talk about my feelings because there was no way to describe the depth of my sorrow. And I usually have a word for every thought and feeling in my mind – but not then. All I could do was run. I ran and I cried and I ran and I cried.
Something happened to me that very same evening as I returned home. As I thought about who I was and what I was going to do, I was filled with peace. I remembered that I was a daughter of God and that I would not be left to my own devices. I remembered heartache that I experienced before and just like before; Heavenly Father still loved me and still had a plan for me. The scripture “Be still and know that I am God” spoke to my heart and mind. The peace was so strong, so simple, and so quick. It was comfort from my all knowing, loving father. No one else could give me that kind of comfort. No one could understand my hurt, not my mother, my father, husband, or closest friends. The Savior is the only person that knows my heart. Jeffrey R. Holland’s spoke about Christ’s understanding of our loneliness and heartache in a talk he gave last year called None were With Him. “He said, “Because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given…because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ…We will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said: “I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].” John 14:18 (v.23) No one else could fully empathize but him. This realization became one of the blessings that resulted from the heartache I experienced. A closeness and reliance upon my Savior that has strengthened me in all aspects of my life.
In Proverbs 3:5-6,It reads, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he will direct thy paths.” He is in control. Without prayer we cannot know what the Lord wants us to do and He cannot fully guide, strengthen, and comfort us the way he can. If we trust in him with all our hearts, we will do the things that bring us closer to him. Through my conversations with Heavenly Father, my faith grew and so did my confidence; so much that I was able to turn my focus from biological children to adoption. Adoption is not a cure for infertility, but it is a miracle that brings joy into your life that you thought was not possible. So I am going to talk about how changing my focus from the loss of a dream of biological children to embracing my path as an adoptive mother has helped me to cope.
First I want to talk about the temple. Around the same time my husband and I had learned of the cause of our infertility, Jared was interviewing for a job in Louisville, KY. We went to the temple before his interview thinking that we would receive guidance and blessings regarding his job search. And we were sure it could only help him have success. While I sat in the celestial room praying and pondering, all of my worries about Jared’s job disappeared and my mind was filled with questions about how I was going to have a family. It was there that I received the clearest answer that I have ever received in my life. YOU WILL ADOPT. Any fears or doubts that had occupied my mind, vanished. The Lord would bless me to be a mother and I knew how. He had a plan and even though I didn’t know it at the time, He was already guiding the birth mother who carried my daughter in her belly. On our way home that day, I turned to my husband and I said, “Jared, we are going to adopt a baby.” To which he responded, “We are?” “YES we are!” Receiving answer to prayer concerning something so important to me so needed, so earnestly sought after, has helped me cope. If Heavenly Father knows this is what I need, this is what will make me happy on this Earth, then I am happy to do it. He knows me. I share this experience because we are promised that “As we go to the holy house…we will be able to bear every trial…The temple provides purpose for our lives. It brings peace to our souls-not the peace provided by men but the peace promised by the Son of God when He said, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” In the Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple booklet, it says, “When members of the Church are troubled or when crucial decisions weigh heavily upon their minds, it is a common thing for them to go to the temple. It is a good place to take our cares. In the temple we can receive spiritual perspective. There, during the time of the temple service, we are “out of the world. Sometimes our minds are so beset with problems and there are so many things clamoring for attention at once that we just cannot think clearly and see clearly. At the temple the dust of distraction seems to settle out, the fog and the haze seem to lift, and we can “see” things that we were not able to see before and find a way through our troubles that we had not previously known.” This is true! Visit the temple as often as you can and the guidance and peace you seek is promised to you.
I am not here to tell you that because I adopted, my heartache has disappeared…..In fact, as I prepared for this class and revisited the moments I have shared, I cried as though those feelings were brand new. Infertility is a condition that doesn’t go away...for many of us. What I am saying is - rely on Heavenly Father and the Savior. Do the things that will keep you connected to their guidance and go where you can clearly see the eternal perspective as much as you can. You will know for yourself what it is you should be doing to find happiness and joy despite your infertility and because of it. Naturally and rightfully so, you will hurt at times and that is okay. I love this quote about infertility by Barbara Eck Manning: “My infertility resides in my heart as an old friend. I do not hear from it for weeks at a time, and then, a moment, a thought, a baby announcement or some such thing, and I will feel the tug – maybe even be sad or shed a few tears. And I think ‘There’s my old friend.’ It will always be a part of me.”
When the lost dream of pregnancy comes to mind, the ache is dulled because of the blessings I have received from this trial. They are so numerous and they are a testament to me that I am who I’m supposed to be. I am doing what the Lord wants me to do and he will always answer my prayers, support me, and guide me so that I can be happy with what I am given. I wouldn’t be the person I am without infertility and right now I feel like I am doing what I was always meant to do and I am who I was always meant to be. Nothing feels better than that. Focus on your blessings now and embrace the now.
When I look at my children I remember that they are miracles walking around, direct answers to prayer right in front of me every day. I feel that I appreciate the moments I spend with them more than I might have if I did not need to pray earnestly for them. The fact that they don’t look like me reminds me of Heavenly Father's love for me because he remembered me. So I absolutely love the way they look and I wouldn’t change a thing about them. This is what helps me to cope with the moments I feel like I’ve missed out on something when I see a pregnant woman with that adorable belly. It doesn’t seem like such a big thing to miss when I reflect on my blessings.

HOW FIRM A FOUNDATION (verse 3)

 Fear not I am with thee; Oh be not dismayed.

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand.

Upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand.

Kirtland

Last month I took a trip to Kirtland, Ohio to attend the northeast regional Families Supporting Adoption conference. I have a lot to share about things I learned there, but I will share those later. I have heard many people say (and I have said it in the past) that the spirit isn't present in that temple, but it can be, and it was. The Kirtland temple is  dedicated temple. One of the speakers reminded us that there is no such thing as "un-dedicating" a temple. It was a beautiful place to ponder the many blessings that have been mine because of the saints' faith there in Kirtland. Sitting in the temple and realizing that the power to seal families together for eternity was given in that very same place, gave me an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and perspective. I am grateful that I can attain the blessings that the early saints worked so diligently to receive. Here are a few pictures of the beautiful Kirtland temple and the surrounding gardens.

My dear friend Cindy and me. 

Salt Lake City

At the end of July I spent a weekend in SLC with my sister and attended a terrific adoption conference.  Since then, it seems we have been more busy than usual.  This is how the weekend went.....delays, cancellations, one whole night missed of sister time, sis-in-law to visit and not enough time, conference during the days, two short nights of visiting, flight home.  It went REALLY fast.  I could have used 2-3 more days to do things with my sister, spend time with my sister-in-law's family, see the sights, and go to the SLC temple.  Although I was bummed that the weekend was cut short, I am very thankful I didn't have to board a plane that had no brakes and whose tires blew out the day before.  I told Jared that Heavenly Father didn't want me to enjoy time away from my family TOO much.  I was really glad to come home and be where I'm meant to be.  About a month late, here are the pictures I took while there....

Our awesome hotel room and a self-portrait.

The conference center - amazing!

A small view of the inside of the conference center.

The Salt Lake Temple....stunning.

I had to get a picture of the flag waving in front of the temple.  That means a lot.

My sis and I with fresh faces.....oh how I love her!